Isn’t this typical - you wait for, oh, weeks for the crop of genre nonsense teasers, and in the space of a couple of days you get not one, not two, but three of the buggers. Oh man, I haven’t written about trailers in ages, so let’s get this train wreck on the road already!
Here is Lana and Andy Wachowski’s latest flick, Jupiter Ascending. It is about white girl space princess (Mila Kunis), who gets saved by hunky white man space soldier (Channing Tatum). Will it (wait for it) ascend the space princess genre? Probably not, it looks boring! Okay, the production design looks nice, but not nicer than anything seen in any number of recent videogames. Actually, to push the comparison further, Channing Tatum looks like a custom male Commander Shepard that turned out all weird, but even less charismatic.
This one’s the trailer to what’s actually an adaptation of a Japanese “light novel” (meaning novel for idiot teenagers who are slow of reading) called The Act of Killing. But since Tom Cruise is involved it got renamed as Edge of Tomorrow. Fair enough! From what Wikipedia tells me it’s actually Groundhog Day but with soldiers in robot suits fighting robot things and whoops there’s my eyes glazing over. You know what looks like an actually awesome thing involving soldiers and robots that’s also coming out in 2014 and is not this nonsense? Titanfall! Tell me you wouldn’t rather play that!
Boo! It’s American Godzilla! Yay! It’s directed by Gareth Evans, who did the excellent Monsters, and stars Breaking Bad's Brian Cranston! I'm genuinely, if cautiously, excited for this, even if the soldier action opening this teaser reminds me too much of the third Transformers film for comfort. Still, that closing shot of Godzilla emerging in smoke is so good. That’s poster material, right there.